This past weekend we had stake conference. I always love stake conference but this is one I wont forget, Elder Bednar presided and it was amazing to hear from him. I truly know that he is an apostle of the Lord and has a very sacred calling. I felt the Spirit as he taught us.
Although there are many stories I could write about from this conference there were two main things that really struck me and made me ponder and want to change. The first was actually when Sister Bednar was asked to bare her testimony. Although I'm sure she always somewhat expects it, she was not told in advance she would come up. She shared some things that were on her mind about why she loves Provo. Her and Elder Bednar met while they were attending BYU. They got married and had one baby while living here in Provo. They started their lives together here and when they moved they always planned to come back here. She told many stories about their lives while they lived here. I was struck by her gratitude for that time in her life. She talked about how she learned to become a wife here in Provo, she learned to become a mother, they established traditions and became closer as a family. I came to the realization that I am not allowing myself to love life and the situation I am in as much as I should. I don't mean to say that I hate my life, but I often think about the future. What will it be like when Jared is finally in medical school, what will it be like when he has a real job, what will it be like when we have more kids etc. Looking to the future is not a bad thing! But loving and embracing what we have now is so important. If I make the most of this precious time I can look back in many years with fond memories of our time in Provo just like Sister Bednar. I too am learning to be a wife, mother, establish traditions etc. I got my first job as a registered nurse and am learning to take care of my wonderful patients. What an amazing time of my life I am in. I TRULY DO LOVE IT!
The second part of conference that I have been pondering was when Elder Bednar spoke about repentance. Throughout the conference he often referred to the "culture" of the church and how it needs to change. In regards to repentance he said that often in the culture of the church we talk about repentance like it is a check list. There are the simple "R's" of repentance and once we do those we are good. How wrong that is! The most important R is left out of the checklist... the REDEEMER. None of the steps do anything without the Redeemer. We are not simply forgiven because we feel remorse and try to make restitution. We have to add the Redeemer into the mixture. He commented that often people repent because they are embarrassed about what they have done. They feel dumb that others saw or recognized that they messed up. What a bad reason to repent. We should be repenting because we love the Redeemer and can't stand that we let Him down. Until our repentance is truly for the Lord and we use the atonement, we are not really repenting. As I thought about this I realized I want to know and love the Savior more than I do now. I think because of the natural man in me a part of the reason I repent is exactly like he said, embarrassment that others know I am weak. I want to learn to make my repentance all about the Lord. I want to know Him better, love Him more, and repent for Him. That is going to be my focus. Get to know Him so that I want to repent for Him.
I really do love the gospel and the chance we have to change. God is good!
